Restoration

I longed with all my heart to see His face,

To taste of His mercy and experience His grace.

I asked and invited and pleaded the same,

And prayed for His presence to surround me again.

But great waves of doubt flooded into my heart -

It was me!  I'm to blame that we'd grown apart.

I'm not good enough, I'm too full of sin.

Could He possibly want me to come back again?

I began to tremble as I felt Him draw near.

He said, "I love you My child; You've no reason to fear".

"I can't look at You, Lord - what I've done is too bad;

I've hurt You so much and I've made You so sad".

He took a step closer and said, "Look into My eyes.

Don't listen to Satan.  You know he tells lies."

My eyes slowly lifted towards His loving face;

Then I ran to Him, overcome by His forgiveness and grace.

What A Wife!

As diligent wives always are, I was busy in the kitchen, tidying up and doing some preparations for the next meal when my husband wandered in.  Well, he actually stumbled in, eyes mostly closed, looking like he had been awakened from deep slumber.  Because that's exactly what he had been doing.  No, he's not a lazy guy.  It was 4:15 in the morning!  What the heck was I doing cleaning the kitchen in the middle of the night, you may wonder?  Unfortunately, insomnia is a regular thing for me, so I have learned that time is better spent being productive than laying around in bed looking at the clock every ten minutes.

Jimmy never wakes up, not even when I holler "ICE CREAM!!!" in his ear.  And ice cream is his vice.  So I was a bit startled and admittedly nervous at having awakened the hard-working man who had a 12 hour shift waiting for him in the morning.  But alas, I did not need to worry because my man is the kind of guy every woman wishes for.  Once he was coherent, he gave me a big hug and said, "I see you are becoming quite the Proverbs 31 woman!"  I gave him an extremely inquisitive and somewhat suspicious look.  He can't be blessing me at 4:15 in the morning, can he?  I braced myself for scathing sarcasm, which did not come.  He continued, "You're getting up while it is still dark!  What a woman!"  I felt very very good about myself until I realized that later in the afternoon when I should be selling purple linens in the marketplace, I would be having a very long nap!

This leads me to the whole Proverbs 31 thing.  Every time I read that chapter I feel nothing but distain for that woman to whom the rest of womanity pales in comparison.  Well, I don't measure up anyway.  Is there any other woman out there who is like a merchant ship, bringing food from afar?  Does buying from the local farmer's market count??  I hope so.  Do all of you really get up while it is still dark?  (And stay up for the rest of the day?)  I have never personally bought a field or planted a vineyard out of my earnings.  (Earnings??) And although my arms are probably stronger than a lot of other women, I can't say that I always use them for working vigorously.  Seriously, I'm really too tired to get a bunch of work done after going to the gym... Our muscles need rest to rebuild, right?  OH!  I got one right!  I bought my boys RED jackets this winter, and therefore I have no fear for my household when it snows!  ('Cause they're clothed in scarlet!  Yay!) 

But this woman has seriously set the bar so high that even the thought of living up to her standards causes my brain to short circuit.  How can she do SO MUCH?  How can she buy fields, plant vineyards, make linen garments, sell them, supply merchants with sashes, all the while being clothed with dignity and laughing at the days to come?  I can only imagine my boys arising each morning and saying, "Hello, bless-ed Mother".  And when my husband praises me, I never quite feel like I deserve it.

I'm sure you are all thinking at this point that I have some wise words and encouragement about how we all are like this Proverbs 31 woman in our own special way.  Hmmmmmmmm.  Nope.  I actually feel disgruntled at both this woman who has us all looking like lazy bums, as well as the guy who wrote about her. 

But this guy (King Lemuel, if you are into details) said in his introduction, "A wife of noble character who can find?"  Maybe this is a fictional character!  Maybe he couldn't find a wife like that (and we all know that those Old Testament guys tried out a lot of wives).  Maybe she just doesn't exist.  That is the first comforting thought I have had in this whole rant.  Maybe we really don't have to try so hard to live up to what some guy thought would be the perfect wife.  I'm not saying there are no lessons to be learned in Proverbs 31.  I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't try to compare ourselves to someone who probably never existed, and we probably shouldn't beat ourselves up for not being good enough when the fact is that condemnation is not what God wants us to feel when we read His Word.  Maybe I should just trust that God is working on me and try to do my best without trying to be perfect... 'cause I'm not anyways and it just stresses me out.

Effort

Hmmmm.... It's beginning to be evident that if I want to move forward in my life I might actually need to TRY.  Bummer.  I was really hoping to effortlessly float with the tide, but it looks like the tide is flowing the wrong direction.  It might be time to paddle.  Or even try to leap upstream like the salmon do.  Ok God... It looks like I need some help with this.  (Yes.  I know I needed help before, but I have finally gotten around to acknowledging it!)

I believe it was Ann Landers who said, "Opportunity is usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize it."  It looks like I'm gonna have to get busy.

Giving Freely??

Today, I overheard my kids playing...

Caleb: "Thank you SO much Silas! How can I ever repay you???"
Silas: "Oh, don't worry... you can repay me."
Caleb: "Can I give you a hug?"
Silas: "No, it will take a lot more than that."

The Bible says, "Freely you have received... Freely give."  That is sometimes easier said than done.  In fact, a lady by the name of Comtesse Diane once said, "We often make people pay dearly for what we think we give them."  So true.

When the boys were playing, I also overheard, "Hey! Come back with my body parts!" But I have no idea what that was about.

Rain Rain Go Away!

This spring, on the very same day that my parents set up a new trampoline for my boys, it started to rain.  And rain.  And rain.  It rained for over a week and the temperature was hardly above freezing.  Not exactly trampoline weather.  My kiddos spent a lot of time staring morosely out the window at the trampoline and wishing away the sogginess.  We woke up on yet another wet morning, looked out the window and then headed to the breakfast table.  I suggested that we pray that it stops raining... and we did.  Silas and Caleb couldn't wait to look out the window in anticipation of God's answered prayer and as soon as breakfast was over, they ran to the window to check. 

"God answered!", Caleb shouted in wonder and amazement.

"Yeah.  It's SNOWING", Silas retorted. 

Remember to pray specifically!  Specific prayers bring specific answers!

Change

Psalm 13
How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome ~her~"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for HE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME.

Isaiah 43:18
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

Do you believe in change?  I do.
And just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it won't.
I have hope.